Personal essays
Life lessons turn out to be everywhere
Seeing*
As Rick and I left the coffee shop yesterday we paused to look at the guy sketching at the table next to us.
Simple pencil sketching - not a ton of strokes - and yet the result was a beautiful, detailed work of art.
I looked at it with the jealousy of one who struggles to draw as well as your average five year old.
I’ve always wanted to draw.
I practice now and then.
I’ve taken classes here and there as an adult.
The number one thing I’ve been told is that the problem isn’t with my hand and how I draw - it’s with my eye and how I see.
I need to learn to see better so that I’m placing items in my drawing closer to where they really are in space.
To draw better, I need to see better.
And practice more.
Hearing
It’s the same way with dancing. Kind of.
To dance better, I need to hear better.
But actually, that isn’t enough.
I’ve taken enough music training that I hear songs pretty well. I hear the theme working its way through the instruments, I hear the rhythm, the harmonies, and the counterpoint.
It’s not hearing so much as feeling.
I don’t feel the music in a way that my body needs to move.
My friend James had a routine during the pandemic where he would be interrupted once a day with a spontaneous dance party.
The music would begin and he’d stand up from his desk and dance until the playlist ended.
He did it mainly for practice - but I suppose I could do it for practice to see if, in the privacy of my own living room, I’d still be too self-conscious to let loose.
Steve Goodman assures us in his song, “Would you like to learn to dance” that he’s
“Gotta book here with all you need to know
We can draw the Arthur Murray patterns right here on the floor
And all ya have to do is follow”
Follow the footsteps on the floor and practice.
Maybe that’s the part where we put in enough time that we are free to feel the music.
Feeling
We can probably tell a bit about a person and how they make their way through life, by their dance preferences. It’s got to be at least as accurate as a Meyer-Briggs.
Is your body Free and relaxed or Rigid?
Are the steps your Own or are you following a Proscribed Pattern?
Are you Counting the beats or Not?
Are you Lost in the music or Self-conscious?
My dance type is FON and right on the L/S line.
Goodman sings, “then we’ll dance around the room a while
You can lead now if you want to, I don’t mind”
This was a revelation.
Dancing is like a conversation where you say something then I say something.
I paused to think, it’s probably like a good conversation where we are actually listening to each other and building on what the other is saying rather than saying the next thing on our mind no matter what the other said.
You lead, I respond. I lead, you respond. The lead naturally flowing back and forth.
There might be something to this dancing thing.
Leading
Just ordinary dancing feels like it would be difficult. I’m not ready to imagine what it would take to lead.
I suppose when you follow, if you know what you’re doing, even a proscribed pattern feels like the steps are your own. You’ve moved beyond counting 1-2-3, 1-2-3 and trying not to step on your partner’s feet.
My friend Brian posted a picture of his wife engaged in the close embrace of a real tango. He noted that her dance partner wasn’t leaning forward enough to have the solid connection “that would allow him to lead.”
Woah. Slow down. You need to have a solid connection to lead.
It seems as if there are lessons in dancing that can be applied to real life.
Brian comments, “In tango, the follower has N possible moves at each step. The leader’s job is to narrow it down to 1.”
Definitely applies to life.
I’m currently taking a class on visual notetaking.
I’ve tried to learn it on my own, but there are way too many directions my mind can go at any moment. Taking a class is letting someone else lead. When they narrow the possible activities down to one next activity - even if it isn’t the optimal one - I’m free to focus and learn much better.
“Without that,” Brian continues, “the follower has to decide, which is too slow to allow for grace or embellishments.”
Learning while allowing for grace and embellishments.
Making what you learn - yours.
Essay from Dim Sum Thinking Newsletter 187. Read the rest of the Newsletter or subscribe